QUAINT QUOTES
(The following originally appeared as the
November 2005 installment of "Lake Stories with Michael Gillespie" in the
Lake of the Ozarks Business Journal.)
Oftentimes the best and most colorful sources of historical information come
from old county history books and newspapers. Nearly every Missouri county had
its own book-length history published in the latter nineteenth century. They
usually were written by local authors and were full of interesting facts and
vignettes. And many towns, especially the county seats, could boast of their own
weekly newspaper—with all the news fit to print, and more. I’ve gleaned a few
passages from two such sources and presented them below for your amusement,
enlightenment, and consideration. The headings are my own.
THE TOWN ALIVE ON 65. "We defy any town in the
county to beat Lincoln for good-looking girls, marriageable material, and gray
horses; but in red-headed girls we have a figure below par."—Benton
County Enterprise, May 31, 1889.
WATCH YOUR MOUTH. "Many of the early cases on the
[circuit court] docket were for trespass, assault, and slander. From the
numerous slander cases it seems that the early settlers were extremely zealous
in maintaining their character."—1889
History of Camden County.
ON SECOND THOUGHT. "Squire Morgan had quite an
interesting case on hand Saturday last--a dog case. Mat Alexander laid claims
onto the canine and a Mr. Tharpe did likewise. Mr. A claimed that he could
produce fifty witnesses to testify that the dog was 'his'n.' Mr. T claimed the
testimony of fifty witnesses in his favor. Squire Morgan suggested to both
parties that to bring all their witnesses into court would cost over a hundred
dollars and either one or the other would have to pay. After consideration, a
comprise was effected and Mr. Tharpe took the dog."—Benton
County Enterprise, December 6, 1882.
ALL RUMORS ASIDE. "Mrs. Julia Castle Holmes, who is
remembered in Warsaw by her singing class and concert last summer, and is a
vocalist of rare ability, died in Sedalia last week. She was taken ill with
malarial symptoms. There was nothing in her illness to warrant the gossiping
rumors as to the cause. Her private character was unassailable, even amidst her
peculiar domestic afflictions."—Benton
County Enterprise, January 22, 1885.
GOLD IN THEM THAR HILLS. "The Osage Mining Company
has taken out a charter to work a gold and silver mine on the old Cunningham
place and claim they have struck excellent ore, with promise of great abundance,
at a depth of 15 feet."—Benton County
Enterprise, August 15, 1885. [P.S.--If you find the gold, remember who
tipped you off.]
TAX TIME. "During the early years of the existence
of the county, when there were no school taxes to collect and but few public
improvements to be made, only a small amount of taxes was required. While the
early settlers raised enough provisions for their own support, being so far from
market they seldom received money for their surplus products, and consequently
were frequently without the ready cash when the tax collector called upon them.
To overcome this difficulty the tax collector sometimes assumed the role of a
vendor of merchandise, and received the skins of 'coons and other wild animals
in lieu of money for taxes, and then disposed of the skins for money. There
being a bounty on wolf scalps, they were also received for taxes. Thus the skins
of wild animals and wolf scalps were legal tender in those days."—1889
History of Camden County.
RESULTS MAY VARY. "Circuit court commenced its
regular term October 13, with Judge J.B. Gantt presiding. In commenting on
youth, the judge said he believed a whipping was as good for a boy as currying
for a horse."—Benton County Enterprise,
October 15, 1885.
AN OLD VETERAN. "John Metscher, who lives on Ross
Creek, ten miles southeast of Cole Camp, is 91 years old and is still active,
enjoying life. He often walks to Cole Camp and back home, attends to his
business and then takes a glass of beer. He was in the Prussian army at the
battle of Waterloo, in 1815."—Benton
County Enterprise, February 24, 1888.
NOT HERE. "A man with a double-barreled gun and a
belt full of cartridges passed through [Cole Camp] Wednesday looking for a
fellow with seven names who stole a gun, a horse, a man's daughter, etc. None of
the parties belong to our town."—Benton
County Enterprise, May 22, 1891.
IMPORTANT SAFETY TIP. "Owing to the uneven surface
of the country the roads are somewhat crooked and hilly. There are but few
bridges in the county, but the streams have solid bottoms and are easily
fordable, except when the water is too high."—1889
History of Camden County.
SHADES OF THE MUSIC MAN. "The Warsaw Cornet band
boys have received their new uniforms and on or before the Fourth will make
their appearance in their elegant new bandwagon...."—Benton
County Enterprise, June 26, 1888.
MORE SHADES OF THE MUSIC MAN. "The Warsaw Band,
after attaining such proficiency that they were complimented on every hand, has
allowed themselves to get into a disorganized condition. The boys should pull
themselves together and make music during the summer weather. If they only could
realize how nice they look in their uniforms and how they make everybody's heart
swell with sentiment and patriotism when the band begins to play, they would
forget all discords and be once more the pride of the county."—Benton
County Enterprise, May 24, 1889.
MUSIC MAN, THE FINAL CHAPTER. "The rejuvenated
Warsaw band Sunday afternoon embarked in skiffs and gave Warsaw a nice serenade
along the river front, which, by the way, ought to be a park."—Benton
County Enterprise, June 12, 1891. [P.S.—It
took about a hundred years, but Warsaw’s riverfront park is today a reality.]
OLD SAILORS NEVER DIE. "At Jefferson City a couple
of weeks since, a marriage license was issued to the well-known old Osage River
pilot, Capt. Wm. Towns of Osage City, and Miss Mary Rahden of Lebanon. Captain
Towns is pretty well up in years and his bride is but 22."—Benton
County Enterprise, September 7, 1888.
© 2005 by Michael Gillespie. All rights reserved.